panorama drama
The three most important factors for any business, so I’m told, are “location, location and location.” If this is true, panoramic Kalina Bar on the 21st floor of the Lotte PLaza has all three covered admirably. If it’s not, Kalina Bar has serious problems.
PHOTO ALEXEI VIKTOROV / TEXT NEIL DAVIDSON feedback
SCENE: Located on the 21st floor of the Lotte Plaza shopping center on Novy Arbat is Kalina Bar, whose stunning panoramic views over the city center are something which should certainly peak the interest of any visitor to Moscow. A walk past the Gucci and Dolce & Gabana stores sets the scene before a breathtaking journey in a glass elevator drops you off in minigarch heaven. Inside, deferential Dima Bilan clones diligently dish out the caviar and bubbly to stuffed suits looking down decadently on the rest of Moscow, while skeletal devushki in five-inch heels sport designer frocks of a glitziness usually only seen at Hollywood award ceremonies. LAYOUT: On entering, there’s a central foyer with a reception (yes, it’s that kind of place) and there’s a slightly kitsch cruise-ship-cum-Las-Vegas-casino vibe throughout, with curtain-draped partitions, trippy patterned wallpaper and strange porthole mirrors. A karaoke room and small VIP section offer low-slung couches and tables on which to rest your sashimi and hookah while taking in the view through the two enormous glass walls. Yes, the view is truly amazing, but overall, the atmosphere is more reminiscent of the executive lounge at an airport than of a happening night spot. If you haven’t booked a table, limited space is available at the bar, but it doesn’t offer much in terms of space or opportunity to mingle. Another noticeable feature (or lack of one) is the absence of a dancefloor. That said, you’re unlikely to feel the need to strut your stuff. GROOVE: This may be a place to be seen or to have a decent meal but it’s certainly no place to let your hair down. For the most part, the background of generic cocktail-bar techno is unobtrusive but uninspiring. The in-house entertainment, to be honest, borders on the offensive. A bland ‘70s-style cabaret combo, fronted by a guy who could have doubled for Chef from “South Park,” murdered jazz-funk versions of the classics, all delivered with a cheesy wink and self-satisfied grin at a volume which sadly made it impossible to ignore. Anyone looking to up the tempo, or simply escape can always skip off to the karaoke bar, but unless you’ve got an overdeveloped sense of irony or a few thousand rubles to drown your sorrows, you might want to consider bringing some ear plugs. PRICES: There’s a traditional and a Japanese menu which may offer genuine quality but, in this town, make for unsurprising reading. Sushi prices range from 420-720 rubles for two pieces. Prices for drinks make a prolonged stay at the bar prohibitively expensive, with beer starting from 250 rubles for 330ml and vodka from 250-450 rubles. A glass of house wine will set you back 650 rubles, while bottles of champagne range from 3,500 for a half-bottle of Bollinger to 41,500 for the Dom Perignon rose. Having said that, the espresso and caffe americano for 120 rubles are hardly unreasonable. BATHROOMS: The facilities are a class act, with flagstone walls, smoldering Japanese incense and individual towels. There is no panoramic view, but the bathrooms do offer a haven for anyone wishing to escape the music, dodge paying for a round or just hide because they feel underdressed. HOURS: From noon until the last customer. |
